Dirty Filthy Socialists

So much anger is brewing over changes proposed by the Obama administration. Many people are calling these ideas "Socialist" and denouncing them as the end of capitalism and perhaps freedom in general in this country. I think they may be right. After taking a look at our government I've seen many areas in which they've encroached on our God given rights (Life, Liberty and the pursuit of profit, er, happiness.) So I've compiled a list of government programs and services that should be terminated and left to the private sector:

1) Medicare.
We don't want Socialized Medicine right? We'll let's get rid of this sucker right now. If old people want medical insurance, they can keep working.

2) Social Security.
Holy geez! That's only three letters short of "Socialism Security"! How the Hell did we let this one slip in? Besides, if you can't save up for retirement, you should just work until you die.

3) Federal Aviation Administration.
Who needs this? The airlines and aircraft owners are more than capable of establishing, self-regulating and paying for a safe and functional airport and Air Traffic Control system. When times get tight airlines can always be counted on to cut executive salaries before they would think of cutting ATC and airport budgets.

4) Department of Homeland Security.
What? I'm not sure exactly what "Homeland Security" is, but isn't it the job of the Department Of Defense to protect this country from attack? Shouldn't the DOD be in charge of securing our homeland? Besides, calling it "security" really diminishes the impact for me. If it was called "Department of Mall Security" you'd think it was a joke (and instantly think of a fat cop on a Segway). Replace "Mall" with "Homeland" and you have the same joke except it's set in an airport instead of a shopping mall. It doesn't matter. We don't need the government to hire rent-a-cops. I say we should either use the highly trained killing machine that is our military or let the private sector defend our critical infrastructure - office buildings, country clubs, golf courses and day spas.

5) NASA.
There are millions of nerds with disposable income who would be glad to launch your payload (or you) into space for a fraction of what NASA would charge. Most of these nerds have a much better safety record than NASA too. Most of them are guys who got better jobs than those that NASA could provide. Yes, that's right, NASA employees are second-tier nerds. The top-tier nerds are working in the private sector. Why are we spending billions of our dollars to employ sub-par nerds? Let them work at Radio Shack or Best Buy.